Lishaaa

MOVED.

2009-07-16T13:08:00.000+08:00

I've moved. No longer here, bye bye.

2009-05-16T12:18:00.003+08:00

To; the boy I love really much & the other Seven

What's with the love?

It's a time that passed a lil bit late. Hate and missing you for leaving me, for taking back all your words. I've got no sense of direction. I've decided to suffer alone without you soon. Really soon. What's the point moving on being used, having no trust and all. Why listen to others instead of yourself? Im facing the truth even I don't know what to do. You must be happy now that im really backing off soon. Whereas me here, trying to erase those memories. Maybe what they say was true. I've wasted half the year on you/them. I still remember when you were drunk, you said things which you really mean it. You said you were not drunk so I believed it. Then, this happened. You shouldn't have said it if you don't mean it. That was what you said. I remember almost every single thing. What will you do if you hurt. I just can't forget every thing, but im trying with the help of smoking much?, crying?, screaming and papercuttings. Let's hope everything goes well. All i could say is only I will miss you. You'll forever be in my heart, really I mean this. Im not moving on after what happened to me. Im never gonna let myself be use again. I'd be glad if you really come back to me one day, even if it take years.

Boy I miss you. The world revolves around in you. I don't know why I fall for you. You've changed my whole life. You change to my surprise. It's fast. From the day we go to the zoo, till a week before you started school. I hate you but I love and I miss you. Im confused with your love. Why? Why must I be in love with you. But it's okay, Im okay outside with all this things happening. It's never too late to tell you I still love you. Definitely your life is better without me. Forgive me for whatever shits I've caused you. With this tears rolling down my cheeks, I've decided things must change. Not a must, it has changed. I'll always be here for you and I hope what you said to me that you'll be here for me is true. Even everything have been destroyed and the love is dying and Im feeling hopeless, I still appreciate you for eveything. And I know at times I regret. But not as much as how much I enjoyed being with you having your accompany. Im trying really hard to move on after we meet maybe for the last time. Let me say what I want cause I know it will gain you much and I'll be the one at lost. Really. Lend me your shoulders for the last time for me to cry before we officially end our relationship. I just ask for your time to really sit in front of me and listen to all that I've got to say. And I'll be excluding myself from the BestFriends. Its up to you 8 to exclude me or not. Give me time and decide more things. Im really sick of everything. There's not even trust and I can't believe that you people still have the cheeks to talk bad bout each other behind each other. Being a hypocrite/backstabber. Please remember I was already bitched/fooled/cheated by some of you. And yet, you people are acting nice to me still. Even it happens more than twice to me from one person, I've let it go. But yet now, it happens again. Thanks! And I know where the rumours come from, from who and all. Thanks a lot yeah? Now, may all of you feel satisfaction doing many things for me just for the sake of to believe. May you all happy enjoying yourself without me.

Hugs&kisses; NurSalishaBteNoFather
Your worst ever friend right?

Pergilah Sayang Walaupun Ku Rasa Menyesal

2009-05-15T14:25:00.002+08:00

What's behind those promises/sweet words?

Im feeling really sick but yet there's immatured kids out there who made rumours. Fcuk uh, grow up. I've not been to school for two days. I declare myself as really sick. Im withdrawing soon. I can't move on like this. Couldn't imagine why people choose to be this way, especially you. But still ily. Say im a Bitch, Slut or whatever you want as long it makes you happy okay B?

I've cancelled every plans that I wanted to like catching the sunset cause something just upsets me a lot. I shall not elaborate it here. Im at lost now. Though I am feeling very sad and all. Thanks to itu Kodok for cheering me up. Really, thanks. Happy Belated Seventeen.

Kay, be happy im not making this blog private since I own a private blog. If you want an access, text me up. I'll see how okay.

Love everyone except those being a slut/bitch.

2009-05-13T10:39:00.002+08:00

Im not uploading any pictures.

Where were you with all those words?

Alright, I really had a tough time going to school trying to walk. I was so upset over something till I don't even know how am I going to face them. I cried a few times cause I was terribly upset. I never felt this way before. Never felt so upset like this. But I know I will face them with my own will. I will go wherever I can and im not following what they want instead of mine. I'll do the right one after I get tired of being this way. Which I don't know how long more. I really give up. So don't even think of talking about me cause it doesn't matter you much. It's something that is not needed to be talked. Whatever it is, thanks friends for the stuffs that you people made. Thanks for trying to make me feel there's still light. (:

Anyway, HAPPY ADVANCED 7-TEEN BIRTHDAY TO SHAK-LOOOSE(Shakilah the Bimbo).

Seems like I can't do much since im like this and we missed the bowling party. Next time perhaps. Study hard and don't get so hyper when you think of him. Big O's first! Haha, kay love ya bestfriend/partner!

Thanks to you for promising to me to be here for me. Let's see if this promise is also another one that is meant to be broken. Love you.

I don't know how I am facing you people who care much for me. I feel so ashame. Thanks for planning for the meet ups. At the state I am, I just wish to go many places. And I am looking forward to meet you peoples. I am looking forward to catch the sunset. Definitely, looking forward to spend time with you people. You people are another clique that I really missed a lot. 9BestFriends, may we last forever&everrrrr.

2009-05-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

(If you remember this)

How many times do we get hurt? How many times do we have to make tough decision? Lastly, how much time are we even left to be together like we used to. Perhaps, its not much now that things have changed. Here I am, ranting every single thoughts of mine up on this hill. I wished I died, leaving every single things that keep on leaving me one by one. Im left with nothing cause I realize i've lost much of my life.

This time, I feel half happy, half sad. Happy is, I get a feel of something which most people probably don't want to be. Being unable to stand on your own feet is something most speaks saying it's easy if you think positively. But when you're really facing it, then you'll realize the difference between speaking and facing it. It's not easy but maybe I am enjoying every single bit of it. Sad thing is, much money is wasted when I don't even want to make an effort of going therapy and think of getting well soon. I feel good this way. Let others say whatever they want about me. Cause I still feel good this way, maybe. I still thank mummy&daddy for every cents. For every thing they tried to make me change my mind. But you know I still won't. Im appreciating what God had given me to face at this point of time. Be it good, be it bad. Only God knows what I needed most now, my pillar of strength.

Even at times like this, im trying every effort not to make a fuss over anything. But you did. Don't you think of anything before starting? I feel very disappointed that every single word from you from the beginning have changed. Our love was a lie. You must be glad that you punished me and return me with something after all i've done like as if my mistakes were intolerable. You're really something. Someone whom I love really much. Hoping not to end myself in regrets. Forget it. I love you and I do miss you. I know you don't.

Nights, i'll be making this blog private really soon.

Thanks for every get well soon texts, balloons, giant cards and anything else I received including the hardships im facing.

2009-05-11T12:58:00.004+08:00

Thanks to the lady in the centre for saving me yesterday. The environment here is so annoying. I musn't elaborate much on what happen. Im safe and even I am kind of badly injured with bloods all over, im alive. Let's hope going therapy will help.

Fcuk that cab.

Dear Baby,

It's not that I don't want to tell you. Sometimes, I realized even if I tell you, you wouldn't care much right since the big fight incident. Hoping that you won't know so it won't affect you. Now that you know, you showed your care. It wasn't even a plan to happen. It's not I asked it to happen. It happens to me without me knowing. Now that I am safe, be happy. You shouldn't have been told cause you don't deserve to know this. And moreover, I am reflecting back. You don't even tell me anything and why am I telling you this. But now since you know I need to go therapy hoping that it would make me feel better, take this time enjoying yourself while I suffer for good. Now things have change between us. You've got to show what you want. Stop acting and putting up lies if you do. Taking care. I really miss you. I love you, forever.

2009-05-09T23:31:00.002+08:00

I feel like coming back. So here I am once again.

Today was okay. Picked Baby with Ayul up at Kembangan and headed to Orchard Cineleisure. Meet Sheila then her boyfriend, Fiqq. Meet Baby's daddy and headed to Simei to jam together with Fiee&Fizz. I find Baby cute today. He was singing with the laptop in front of him. Tell me who would bring their own laptop just because of the lyrics? My Baby do this every jamming session. Cool sey. Kay not boasting. I just find no one doing something like this except him so far. Don't waste paper just to print kids. Okay im talking environment rubbish. Then headed off to Tamp with the rest except Ayul&Baby's daddy. Kfc since they were hungry. I wanted to eat at first but I just feel like not eating. Baby bought the idk the one with box and zinger. Omg, I think if I buy I won't even be able to finish it up. Kay understood. He was too hungry. We kinda hang out at kfc cause they were listening to their recordings. Then headed home.

Baby is recording again at home. Suspect confirm with his guitar. Soooobbbbbs. No one at home and im left here. I shall hit Mac later around four to get breakfast. Im craving for pancakes :D Currently waiting for this kid to finish recording and accompany me by sms-ing.

I miss school. I miss partner and the clans. Monday no school and Tuesday too since I have no papers. Wednesday is only 1 hour of Sciences MCQ and Thursday is 45 mins of listening compre. Pathetic week. But Thursday marks the end of MYE. & its Shaaaaaak's birthday. Omg, can't wait cause might be going bowling party and baking cookies which tastes and smell exactly like Famous Amos! Thanks to Thivya who agreed on lots of people coming her house just to bake the cookieeeeeeees. Coooool siaaaaaaaa. & when will I get to meet Baby and Bestf's again? Bestf's having MYE, so good luck and please STUDYYY. I'll be waiting for results. Hell, I hope there's improvement especially Malay-.- which I know I did better for certain subjects cause I STUDIED. Malay O's first intake is like THREE weeks time. Argh, I want A1! And i'll be screaming cause I don't have to attend the useless Malay lessons conducted(really no life cause every lesson do things irrelevant to O's). It's not only on my opinion, the rest too. Big difference from last year.

Omg, I am dead bored plus scared here. Oh yes! Happy mother's day to my dearest mummy and all mother's out there. I can't wait to surprise her with the chocolates bought and hopefully my boncit brother brings home pizza or baked rice or what. Eh wait, Im starting to crave for lasagna too since Fizah and Faa talking bout it. Grrrrrrrr. Okay Bye. I want to ring my brother up to ask him bring home lasagna!

Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, imissyou boncit :D

2009-05-09T13:12:00.003+08:00

Im not going to think about it.

Cause it's been weeks.

Love you always.

Don't bother coming here to check how I am doing cause I own a private blog now.

I am not coming back unless I feel like.

www.lisha-locked-it.blogspot.com

2009-05-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

I just feel down now. I don't know what choice im left with. I just find crying a way to help me now. I just can't put my mind at ease now. I keep thinking of what happen. For once, please stop the hard times we're having now. Please start anew like how it was suppose to be. I really didn't expect things like this to be lasting so long. I just feel down. All I need was your accompany. I just need you. At least im happy you're trying to be responsible to do something. Its a something. I wish I could put what's on my mind here. But no, I can't. I just find it very personal. Figuring it out what's next. Even having exams, I know i'll put it aside. It's two different thing. I've made up my mind to try not to think about it but instead to think of you. It just made me smile abit when your BabyNisa asked for you. She have been wanting to see you again. But idk when. I wish you would meet me up at least a while to meet that cute lil baby. Now, I can't close my eyes and put myself to sleep. I just find it very difficult. Forget it. I'll try even if it takes me hours. I love you Baby cause I believe you're my only one. Im sorry for being an irritating kid who keeps complaining to you about this. Im just scared.

I'll be going out with lil baby to take a walk outside. If you kids see me out there, please don't assume it's my child cause it isn't.

2009-05-07T14:17:00.004+08:00

Unscrew love
Happy Belated Fifth Monthsary to pretty boy, Ayie!
I know things are rather slow for us now. Though at times I feel unfair, I've tried lots of times giving in now since you've really given in a lot to me. Im trying to make everything not stay like how it was suppose to be. Maybe people say you're being unfair to me cause this was once from me and things get so bad. And things that happen twice from you I've let it go. I don't care what they say to me. To me it was their opinions. But I agreed to myself and I've admitted to you, giving in saying im the one at fault. I can't let things go any worse. But even after all this shits, im trying my best, really. Know that I love you like before and I'll always miss you. I miss all the times. I almost cried reading your pasts texts/blog posts/and anything else. I just miss you and I cannot bear to let you leave me after all what you've taught me. Im sorry for everything that happens. I love you and only you. May we last long.

School was rather okay. There's no more terrorists at school gate. I was so damn prepared to like tie up my hair because if I don't, they'll catch me. Then ended up, they're not standing at gate anymore. Yay cause there is no more temperature taking.

I think Shaf said something cute to me just now morning. I bought chocolate drink and planned to bring it to class. I realized something bout myself. She said in Malay " Lisha, you must break school rules everyday is it"
And we both were laughing cause I realized every day I break the school rules cause every single day, I'll be either using my phone or eating in class or anywhere I can. I smuggle in sweets to class and all. Okay Lame. But breaking school rules without getting caught. My phone was confiscated so far once only during this 5 years. That was during sec 2. Kay maintain.

Im left with English P2, Malay LC, Biology and Sciences MCQ. Malay P2 was harder than expected. Imagine yourself reading more than 5 times reading the Mcq compre. Its MCQ. The story was idk how to describe. The qns was nowhere to be found. Its like as if the typed out the wrong answer. Kay.we'll see how much I get. Maths was omg, I don't have time. Very sad, 2.5 hours still not enough. But I know I've seen people sleeping halfway :D Arghhhh, Biology paper and that's it. No more memorizing paper except Mcq Sciences. &School are selling chocolates. I've intended to buy for Mummy for Mother's Day. But the problem, my boncit pig brother is not giving me the money -.- And winks, im meeting Pretty Boy later. wheeee~ since yesterday didn't meet up and we had a small miscommunication. At the same time, I'll be meeting Fizah to teach her English(macam paham). Just revising actually.

I miss my BestFriends. We didn't meet up for idk how many days. Saddddddd. When do I get to meet them and smoke with them and chill with them? ); Okay soooobbbbbbbbs. We're having MYE. The pathetic thing is, all the ones having MYE are having on different time. When im having exams they're having normal school. When mine is over then they start. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Rez texted me saying that my mp4 is lost. My Green accompany friend is missing); I swear to the person who took it get Swine Flu. Amin. But Rez is getting me a new one. I'll be surveying for new mp4 Green in colour which is cheaper than that so he don't have to spend a lot. Pity him cause he's using his bursary money. Okay Rez, I try get the super murah nak mampos but good quality okay(:

Okay Bye, I wanna play guitar herooooooooooooooo~
Baby! I miss you. Hurry end schoooooool~

2009-05-05T00:12:00.002+08:00

When I'm With You,

Social studies/literature papers are over. Still have the rest. I've been studying nights for the freaking MYE. It really scares me and reminds me that O's are super near. And that's why im inactive everywhere due to mugging -.- I really don't know what's up with my brains. I can't really absorb Geog notes. -.-" Im still waiting for BoyFriend to finish his stuff and help me a bit for Geog. B! Its 12.20am, im suppose to be sleeping at 12. But okay, I think I don't follow this anymore cause I've been sleeping late due to mugging again -.-

Yesterday morning (4 May). I think I was kinda shocked when I arrived at school. Imagine the teachers with masks and they really look like ghost/terrorists. My imagination went wild for a moment and I swear the rest was laughing at me seeing my reaction, kay paisey. Then headed to class for pledge and temperature taking only. And we're taking temperature twice a day from now onwards until further notice. Omg, how troublesome can this be. Hurry get lost lah that Pig virus. I want O's earlier not later so I can enjoy soon. Stop making my life miserable. I think not only me, but there's others too.

Last few days outing was awesome. I get to meet up with BoyFriend(PrettyBoy) and BestFriends. We really did spend time like as if we don't have any MYE coming up. We were like enjoying every bit of it. Okay, Faa did well for the anugerah audition. Though she didn't got in, we know she did tried to go up the stage where there's like levels of people watching her. At least she have the courage. Cheer up Faa, remember that you said you're taking it as for fun if you didn't get selected. So be Yourself.

Go to Fizah's blog to see what happens at Bus 55. I swear another havoc thing that happens. I know we were laughing and making the bus like our father owns the bus. But who can bear to smell pungent smell of someone who farted, tell me. Read up her blog okay.

BoyFriend still doing Rj. okay, I shall read up the Geog textbook again to gain my memory status. B, hurry. Anyway, I miss you already, how? Got miss me or not Pretty Boy? 1 more day Baby! (:

Nights.

2009-04-30T23:08:00.002+08:00

Sense of Belonging,
Nothing can explains why am I smiling so widely as I am typing.
Maybe I know, I shall see if I should type it out here.

I was kinda having a bad day. I almost wanted to give up. But my pretty boy piece of note was on my mind. I remembered he said, be strong, be strong. Today was the day that I really shouted at a classmate of mine because I was really angry with her for screaming with her super high pitched voice. Today, i think it was more of self-intensive study. Really! Reason being is because most teachers are busy with the Symphony Of Praise II. So ended up I had only Chemistry. How sad it this cause I was soooooo excited to come back school. And I think I did something bad today. I cheated. I was having temperature taking and my temperature was 37.8. I know i'll be send home and I don't want it. Sooooo, when my thermometer was showing at 37.4 even before it sounded the tit..tit..tit.. sound, I took it out. Okay, very bad. I know im still having fever but I was really excited to go school); On the other hand I felt like giving up or maybe crying cause I realized I've lost my maths foundation in my brain. But thanks to Vien and Dean for their help cause I actually know how to do already. My brain is really not functioning well this days. One month for Malay O's -.- I feel bad too for texting Pretty Boy at the wrong timing. He was having presentation and I he finds it rude, Sorry B! );

I had weird dreams this days. And nowwwww~ I know the reason why this Bimbo, Shakilah, will smile at times for no reason. Ohorrrrr, I tell teacher if you bully me eh. Kay enough.

Im currently looking at my aunty's facebook. I miss them. I rarely gets to meet them. The flowers there are like omg, super nice and beautiful. I want to go Guildford. I want the snow season. Dream on! Maybe after O's~

I get to meet pretty boy today after dayyyyyyyys. I miss him a lot and that's why im smiling widely. It's been long time and today I felt happy. :D (kay shhhhh.) Im getting used to meet him once or twice only since I really got to buck up in O's. And I don't blame him for this cause I find it good. Equals less fights. But I will pick a fight with him why he must miss me :D After O's then can party again. I find it better whereby I miss him a lot and when meet up, boooooooom! tadaaaa, get hug to let go how much I miss him. Gave Seventeen Again a miss); Kay at least I get to meet him im happy. Pitied him cause he was tired after four days school. Imagine 6.45am like that out of house already and back home late night. I think i've fainted by then.

Okay, now, im hungry. Very hungry. );

Nights. I want to do a bit of Maths. Omg its like 1135pm and I still can do Maths. Siao already.

Muhd Khairi, I miss you already! How?

I will kidnap you soon since I can't today.

2009-04-29T23:35:00.003+08:00

Pretty Boy(:

If this post comes out anytime when im not online, im going to hate blogger 1% for not posting when I want. Im sickkkkkk, im down with fever and (-). damnnnnnnn it. Its been two days. I miss my friends and I miss running. Okay random. Im going back school tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be better expected. Okay Bye.

I miss my pretty boy );

2009-04-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

Sunshine

School is tiring today. Had El, again she picked on me. I was on the verge of pushing the table and tell her to stop being bias. Very tempted. But I guess my patience is still there. I've got lots of homeworks. English, Maths(Graphhhhhs siaaaa)& Biology. Im gonna do my revision for Ss again since I didn't really elaborated them.

Okay, off now. I miss BoyFriend. Nak meet soon boleh? :D

kay love you pantat!~

2009-04-26T22:22:00.003+08:00

(Sayang dier manymany)

Believe

& you're holding me

Im home the whole day. Studied ss and did self-notes. I wanted to go to find the place where PacNet is to disconnect Internet. But I dont know where is it, really. Me & Fizah was chatting just now. We made each other jealous saying which is nicer. Ribena that I was drinking or the bread she was eating. Definitely Ribena right? :D Texting B was funny at some parts. BoyFriend bought new phone already(infrared eh B? :D ). And i'll be getting the same phone as him, OneLove mahhh~ macam paham. He also bought wireless already.

Mummy ask me to go with her to TampOne on Weds. She say can get phone there. She randomly asked. And Thurs is tadaaaaaaaaa, I want to hit the Singapore Flyer with BoyFriend & BestFriends(Maybe?) Friday no school, yay. Study date with Fizah tomorrow is cancelled, its okay Fizah. Btw you people should go www.play-fm.blogspot.com . can dedicate songs there. Its an online radio. I was famous for a moment there thanks to Faaaaa eh, pantat!

I'll never regret loving you.
Even being hurt.
All I want is You.
Remember that I trust you.
And that ILoveYou always.

2009-04-26T00:55:00.003+08:00

Glad that things are back in place. I know it was the biggest fight and we're on the verge of giving up. But still, it went back well and kept Sixth alive. I love you B and im Sorry manymany.

My first Obor Bahas was today. I think it was awesome with those who I have yet to meet long time. And went out with BoyFriend&BestFriends. I think I should see the doctor cause i've been vomiting Foam, Disgusting. Tomorrow i'll be staying at home to studyyyyyyyyy. Mid-Year Exams are in one week time.

Okay nights, ily BoyFriend.

2009-04-24T02:00:00.003+08:00

(I still love you no matter what)

Thank God for giving me the strength.
Thanks Boyfriend for really giving the chance. I hope i'll be able to make things right this time. Im sorry.

I can't wait to get practical results, cos I think I did fairly well. Maybe only. Im having Paper Ones later and I've yet to sleep. My body isnt right. Im having a temperature of 38.2. And I vomited a plastic full just now including the gastric juice in my stomach. Kay disgusting, shuddup. My mid-year are really here. Maths have come to an end. Its left with only revisions. Equals, I can jolly well do maths w/s. And the sickening thing is, we don't get ten year series this year. Not even a single topic. At least I have BoyFriend's books. Not to forget, I have Oral tomorrow too. I'll end at 3 like that since im fourth to go for the second group :D

I should sleep now, hopefully I don't overslept. If I do, let me have a high fever so I'll be able to meet the doctor. Kay no. Afterall, I think school is not bad except for the 'chers. Nyeh, JLPX got biten by her dog again! This time at lips. Haha, so 'cute' sia you Joyce Pretty Ler!

Kay nights.
Imy.

2009-04-10T04:00:00.000+08:00

Please relink, thanks(: